Getting Over Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back

Heman Thuranira

Loving someone and them loving you back is one of the greatest feelings. The whole aspect of confessing to a love interest and realizing they feel the same way is exhilarating. However, this is not always the case when you are dealing with someone who isn't interested in you. Unlike previous cases, you can't seem to let go of it, and you are certain you two are destined to be. As you increasingly become hurt, you may wonder why do I want someone who doesn't want me? Below is a guide that will showcase reasons and means of getting over unrequited love.

Reasons Why You Are in Want of Someone Who Doesn't Want You

Love is a mutual thing. Love could not exist if it is meant to come from one side. If you think you are in love with someone who doesn't love you, the following might be the reasons.

1. You're projecting what you want to be true

If you have ever asked yourself "why do you want someone who doesn't want me?”, then you better start thinking as to why you need them. In your mind, you have a blissfully happy relationship, which isn't the case in reality. Even as they reject you, you believe this can't be the final answer; hence you renew your efforts to change your mind.

2. You like the drama

One of the reasons you might be interested in someone that isn't attracted to you is that you like the drama. Without conscious volition, you might be addicted to the chase of finding someone new. This means you actively chose someone unattainable, knowing that you like the adrenaline rush that comes with pursuing someone.

3. You have a fear of intimacy

Self-sabotage might be one of the reasons you seek unrequited love. By choosing someone who is unattainable, you unknowingly put a safety net. This allows you to feel the thrill of being in a relationship, and affection without forming a genuine emotional connection.

4. You're stuck in the past

If you have been betrayed or had a relationship unexpectedly end, you might choose someone who reminds you of what you lost. This causes you to be insecure, and hence you try to relieve them mentally by winning a different person. Repeatedly, you will be reacting the same way expecting different results.

Tips on How to Deal with Rejection

Now that you know the underlying reason to "why do I want someone who doesn't want me?” the next step is breaking the cycle. Since you might not know how to do that, below are certain aspects to should consider.

  • Respond with self-compassion

When a love interest has rejected you, you should do your best not to take it personally. Even though you feel lost, look out at both sides of the spectrum and appreciate the fact that he or she did not tag you along. Give yourself a chance to grieve and feel the anger, and embarrassment caused by the rejection. Do not beg for their love or plead them to love you back. By doing so, you will belittle yourself and escalate the feeling.

  • Recover emotionally

Emotional recovery is important to overcome the underlying reason why you want someone who doesn't desire you. Putting them on a pedestal might be a reason why you find it tough to move on. Recognize that as enticing as they may look, their perceived flawlessness is an illusion, and they are human after all. Get the needed support from family and friends and talk about it freely, purging the bitterness from your system.

  • Move forward

Aim to move forward, regardless of how difficult it might be. Consciously moving on from the relationship prevents you from feeling sorry for yourself. Set big goals in regard to work and school, and look for ways to achieve them. Look for destructive romantic patterns from the previous relationship and rectify them. A date for fun without expecting perpetual happiness and live freely.

  • Stop talking to your crush

Distance yourself from your crush by cutting communication with your love interest. Since it acts as a constant painful reminder of what could have been, limiting interactions allows you to see things from a different perspective. Ideally, this is better than having to figure out how to deal with them when someone doesn't want to talk to you anymore.

  • Make a list of the things you want in a relationship

As you learn to get over being hurt and wondering why you want someone who doesn't want you, another tactic to employ is knowing your preferences. Consider the qualities that you fancy in a partner and make a list. This will allow you to focus on what draws you to them and hence stopping you from settling for less.

  • Love yourself

Finally, love and pamper yourself! Be comfortable with yourself learning what you like, love and what makes you happy. This safeguards you in the instance when another person comes, you will choose them out of your want, not out of loneliness.

The Final Word

As rejection from a love interest can be as painful as a breakup, realize and own your emotions. Break the cycle of asking "why do I want someone who doesn't want me?” Love yourself and find a love interest that feels the same way. In all, if you discover that you are entangled in an unrequited love scenario, analyze the reason why it came to be. Afterward, find coping measures as you slowly get over the emotions for a happier you.