All You Need to Know About Love-Hate Relationships

Heman Thuranira

When in an intense liaison, people become excited and love their partners unconditionally. However, there is a time when you feel like you do not want to see your partner and you start wondering why you are in that relationship. The tender moments turn into regrettable behaviors and hurting instants. People in such a love-hate relationship have a strong feeling that can sway from a given emotional spectrum to another. Nevertheless, some individuals do not see such changing circumstances as unhealthy or unusual in their relationship. Such emotional dissonances, as well as hate, can be blurry the moment responsive chaos reigns within your relationship. The element of swaying from one end to the other may slowly destruct your mental health.

Main Causes of Different Love-Hate Relationships

It is common you will develop some patterns in a liaison that could be abusive and destructive. Below is an explanation of why you might find yourself saying "I love you, but I hate you at the same time.”

1. The love-hate relationship between partners

There are several instances when this kind of love-hate bond among partners does occur. For example:

  • You are in a break-up and make-up relationship scenario

When quarreling with your partner, you argue brutally. You even experience some threats of ending the relationship and calling it quits. At such a moment, you may not be able to stand your partner. Hours later, you find yourself hugging as well as loving each other extraordinarily. You even promised one another that you are committed in the relationship.

  • The partner is always the prize

As you value your relationship much, there may be some traits of your partner that you cannot stand. Sometimes you consider forsaking the relationship, but then, you realize the effort, time and energy you have invested and decide not to end it.

  • You do not have a deep connection

The moment you find yourself in love with some qualities of your partner and hate others, it may be accurate there is no profound association in that relationship. Maybe you have an affection for superficial things such as his or her fantastic body or a flashy car.

2. The love-hate relationship between friends

This kind of relationship happens mostly to very close friends like in the event below:

Imagine your friends stop posting on your group or go missing from your favorite hangout. Does that make you feel any better? You will start thinking they are doing some awesome things in your absence. Sometimes your friends make stupid jokes about you, and you feel it is better to quit that affiliation.

3. The love-hate relationship between siblings

Below are the most typical scenarios where this kind of love and hate relationship occurs.

  • Regular fights

If a day does not end without fighting with your sibling, then you might be in a hate-love relationship. Sometimes you get home and may find that your sibling has taken some of your things and destroyed them. You will start exchanging mischief, hence causing some immature fights that could last for an entire day. But, the following day, you might find yourselves playing together like nothing happened the day before.

  • You seek every opportunity to get back at him/her

In some scenarios, an elder sibling may have more desirable objects, e.g. toys or clothes than the younger ones. The younger ones may love your things and could take them without your permission. As a payback, you might retrieve your belongings and hide them, thus making them pissed off. In such a scenario, you become happy at how you made them angry. Although this might last for a day, the hate gets diminished with time and is replaced with love.

4. The love-hate relationship between parents and children

The love-hate relationship can also happen between parents and their teenage children. This is the time when most parents attempt to be the best role models for their teens. However, being a role model goes beyond looking perfect. A role model is defined by the way you handle the failures of your children as a parent. At times, as a parent, you might hate your child due to disappointments, but with time or after a few hours that gets to be overshadowed by parental love. Parents should understand that children are learning from them and the teenagers must agree that parents are not perfect. They are also trying to do their best.

Notable Ways To Handle Love-Hate Relationship

Many people do not know how to handle the love-hate relationship at different levels. However, it is sometimes essential to understand various elements in dealing with such scenarios. Below are tips on how to handle love-hate relationship issues.

  • Do not make things worse

If you know when your friends' offensive actions surface, it would be great to avoid them at such times. Try to defend yourself tactfully in ways not to escalate their anger before getting offended.

  • Find a support system

Always cultivate other friends who are consistently positive about you. This is an attempt to remind you that every friendship does not necessarily need to be a love-hate relationship. Be smart and get people who are on your side even when your friends are against you.

  • Always focus on the good

It would be admirable to remind yourself about the kind of friends you are dealing with and why you need to keep your friendship going. Always dwell on the positive side of your friendship and avoid any negativity your friends may use against you.

  • Always protect your self-esteem

Never lessen your self-esteem just because your friends talk badly about you. That is their problem, not yours in any way. Even when confronting them, stay positive and do not allow yourself to follow adverse footsteps.

  • Keep distance

Why do you stay close when you can keep a distance from the things that affect you negatively? Maintain a distance from a destructive company that seems to alter your health or well-being. You can always find a relationship that is healthy if the love-hate relationships are draining.


Emotional ambivalence is known to be part of us. No one can avoid feeling love or hatred at some point. However, you may not be able to define whether you think first of hatred or love in any given connection scenario. The two do not substitute each other. Learning to live with such a condition may also be necessary if you would like to keep your relationship.